What’re you doing
“Building a bomb”
What’re you doing that for
“To smite my enemies”
You did that last week
“No”
Well what was the bayonet for
“Different enemies”
Ah
“I have other enemies now”
Which enemies are these
“On the bus”
Those kids
“They piss me off”
Well
“Can I just walk home”
What’re they doing to you
“They just don’t leave me alone”
Ah
“They just keep being”
It’s okay
“They’re always just”
It’s fine
“I can’t even look out the window can’t even just mind my own business”
Kids are dumb
“When you were in seventh grade what was it like”
Oh I could never walk home the same way twice
“What’d you do”
Kept going home different ways
“For the rest of school”
Yeah pretty much
“What about high school”
I went to high school far away and so it took a couple years before the kids in high school figured it out
“That they could bully you”
I think more that they wanted to
“Cos anyone can be bullied”
Yeah I guess
“That’s what my social studies teacher says”
She’s smart
“It’s a he”
He’s smart
“Yeah he’s strict though”
Good
“Lotta homework and it can’t be late and you can’t talk you can’t even ask a question without raising your hand first”
Sounds awful
“You have no idea”
Listen so about this bomb
“It’s not a real bomb dad”
I know
“The bayonet wasn’t real”
I know
“It’s a cardboard bomb and it was a cardboard bayonet”
I absolutely know
“All I’m gonna do is look at it and imagine and that’s it”
Thank god for that huh
“So don’t worry and don’t like talk to me about it”
Well when I come out to the garage and my kid is making another cardboard weapon
“It helps me”
Yeah
“I work through stuff”
Maybe there’s another way
“Not that I like”
Are you gonna give the bomb a name
“You mean like the bayonet”
Yeah
“Silver Sally is a pretty good name for a bayonet”
Yeah
“‘You don’t wanna dance with Silver Sally’”
Sure don’t
“‘If Silver Sally asks you to the Sadie Hawkins, look out’”
You know bout Sadie Hawkins
“Of course”
How
“Mr Nehru”
Who’s that
“The social studies teacher”
Ah
“He said he never got asked and all his friends did”
Haha me too
“You were a loser too”
Hey whoa
“He said he was a big loser”
Is he now
“His wife is very pretty that’s what he says anyway”
There you go then
“Is Big Bertha a good name for a bomb”
I think that’s been done
“It has”
Think so
“By who”
Another bomb I think
“Damnit”
I know there’s a golf club called Big Bertha
“Is it a driver”
Yeah
“Is it big”
Better be
“What should I call it then”
How many kids is it taking out
“Six”
That’s a lot
“Four deserve it and then two are innocent bystanders”
Don’t take out innocent bystanders
“What do you call it when you know something bad is happening but you don’t do anything to stop it”
No idea
“There’s a name for it”
I know what you mean though
“And so they get it too”
Okay well just tell me if I need to be worried about you
“You don’t”
If at any point in the future
“You won’t”
Remember when we used to walk to the park in the stroller and then you’d just be in the swing and we’d be there for hours
“No”
When we lived in Chicago
“I don’t remember”
It was a while ago
“How’m I sposed to remember then”
We would walk and talk and swing without a care in the world
“You drinking again, dad”
I wish why
“Cos you talk about the old fashioned times when you drink”
I’m not drinking no
“What about The Clean Slate”
For your bomb
“Never mind”
What about Gunmetal Gary
“That’s dumb”
When Gunmetal Gary drops by that visit is … forever …
“So dumb”
Gunmetal Gary invites you to take a dirt nap … forever …
“If you’re not gonna take this serious”
I am taking it serious
“Silver Sally is a good name for a bayonet but Gunmetal Gary is a dumb name for a bomb”
What about Clusterfucker
…
…
…
“Can I swear”
To name an imaginary bomb sure why not
“Clusterfucker Upper then”
You like that
“Clusterfucker Upper cos it’ll clusterfuck you up six at a time”
All right then
“I am gonna Clusterfuck You Up”
What do they do when they mess with you
“Call my name”
That’s it
“Over and over and over”
They just …
“Over and over and over”
And that’s it
“It’s a long bus ride home”
Yeah
“How bout I just say your name over and over for fifteen minutes”
You’d be grounded so fucking fast
“You’re almost as strict as Mr Nehru”
He’s my kinda guy all right
“That’s it!”
What
“The bomb is called The Parent”
Uh
“The Parent”
Uh
“The Parent grounds you … forever …”
See it’s fun
“What”
Saying forever like that
“How’d I say that”
A little beat right before
“Did I?”
The Parent sends you to your room without dessert … forever …
“That’s good too”
The Parent won’t sign your permission slip … forever …
“That doesn’t make any sense”
Sure it does
“The Parent is gonna break up your family … forever …”
Huh?
“Nathan’s mom left ‘em”
Nathan?
“And Trevor’s dad”
For each other
“Maybe”
Oh wow
“Yeah”
That’s crazy
“So if they really make me mad”
In general I wouldn’t mess with that
“Nathan and Trevor are the worst ones though”
Maybe that’s why
“But The Parent’ll shut ‘em up”
You’re sure I don’t hafta worry bout you
“I told you dad I’m not crazy”
Okay but
“I’m not a psycho I’m just pissed off”
Okay but
“So lemme be pissed off and I’m gonna make this cardboard bomb and it’s called the Parent and it’s gonna wreak havoc a lotta havoc is gonna get wreaked”
Wrought
“Huh”
Past tense of wreak is wrought
“Or wreaked”
I don’t think so
“Look on your phone”
At what
“Both work”
No only wrought
“Look it up”
Just take my word for it
“I don’t think so”
You think I’m wrong
“It’s been known to happen”
…
…
…
All right fine smartass I will
“Please do”
You’ll see
“Maybe I will”
You’ll see … forever …
…
…
…
Goddamnit
“See?”
Goddamnit
Being a teenager is light years ago, thank god.